It's 8 o'clock on a Friday, and you've got us feeling alright...

yea i know i altered the lyrics in the title but Piano man by Billy Joel is one of my favorite songs yes I know its old and yes I know it's about a bar but it's just so comforting in some sense... well i said i might write later and so I am. I just ate way more sugar than I should probably eat in a week and i feel a bit disgusting but what ever I'll get over it. I was talking to drama guy earlier on IM and we had a pretty cool conversation. I confronted him about the things drama girl said about him like that he tried to put his hand up my skirt and he said he didn't. I'm no gonna completely believe because I really probably will never know. Guys these days aren't very trustworthy. He promised he wasn't that much of a perv (I know I'm repeating a few things) and that he didn't... Then I saw the drama girl's away message and it said pretty much that she hated someone and they blocked her for no reason so I asked drama guy about it and he said he had blocked her because she wouldn't shut up and kept wanting them to be friends and when she mentioned me and the drama guy still being friends, she asked him why we could be and they can't and he told her it was different with us so I asked him what was different about us and I got the answer I predicted, that he just needed an excuse (dying in your arms just came on itunes, drama guy! lol) and then he said that he was glad we were friends. I told him I was too. It really made me smile to know he would say that to me even if he doesn't have to, that he would go out of his way to say something sweet, it may be just because he's been reading these posts and knows how I feel about him but I don't care, no matter what people say about him and how much shit they say he does, I'll always like him and I'll always remember him. I'm not sure if he realized that with giving me my first kiss, he guaranteed himself (whether he wants it or not) a place in my memory forever, I mean a girl can never forget her first kiss. of course when I tell my kids about that kiss, I'll probably leave out some details and make it a lot more innocent than it was.
I told drama guy that things drama girl was saying were getting into my dreams and he kept insisting on me telling him. I don't think I've ever told him that I love when he does that. I love when people want me, when people want to know about me, when they're interested in what I'm saying, and mostly I love when people take the time to pay attention and be patient when I'm talking or trying to explain something because I'm not a good conversationalist and I'm not a very good speaker. I also hate when people get mad for me for interrupting them. I know this sounds weird but I can't really control when I do that, I don't think before I butt in to a conversation when I shouldn't. I hate guys who try to hard to be something they're not and boys who try to be cool in front of their friends because it's dumb. I like being one of the guys if i can (though it's hard to be, in a skirt) because I just love hanging out with guys and they're great when they're just being themselves because girls are a lot like guys if they take the time to really look at us, we're rude and obnoxious, we burp and fart out loud when we're with our friends, we love to be goofy and retarded even when things are dead serious. I'm not that different from a guy when it all comes down to it, I don't mind bugs except for bees because I've been stung twice and it kills, i love playing in mud which may sound weird for a teenage girl but it's true, maybe the most different thing between me and a guy (besides gender and all the crap that comes with it) it the fact I'm a sensitive piece of shit =) I cry easily though I haven't cried in a while
I've recently noticed that I used singing and music as a coping method, when my parents begin to argue about one of my two siblings (usually my sister) i will walk out of the room on the verge of tears (because I'm afraid of my parents splitting up... ok more like terrified) and I start either singing a very loud, powerful song, or I'll blast a happy song, as happy as I can find, sometimes though, I just blast a slow song and let the tears fall. sometimes I know just need to cry to get It out of my system. I've also noticed I haven't cried as much in the past month while I've been getting over the idea of the drama guy dating other girls besides me.
this blog is probably also helping me cope with things. I can write whatever I want and I can deal with it in writing which sometimes isn't as painful as speaking these things. sometimes when i run over these words out loud, my eyes begin to tear and I just can't do it. I'll also sorry when I'm running a scenario through my head of someone dying or someone being in a hard situation, even though it's not real, I can feel the pain. I had a dream last night about the last day of school and we had jet packs in the English room and it was wicked cool then we were in this museum for science class and me and the guy were friends and everything was good. oya back to this blog helping me cope. I can write what ever I want about anyone and the guy and I are the only ones who read it and know what I rite and I'm pretty sure he;s not gonna tell people what I right.
gotta go, my sisters home & i don't want her to read this ♥Dida