Yea it's almost midnight. Drama guy has been super sweet to me. My dog died yesterday =/ (I'll go in depth later) and when he heard. He said he was sorry and told me he would have given me a hug if he was around me. He's amazingly nice now. I didn't hang out with the cute guy today. come to think of it, he never called me back =/ w/e well I'll tell you guys more later!
9/21: I haven't gone in depth yet. I promise eventually i will <3
He's gone but never gone.
I don't remember to write in my blog =) Sorry, nothing big has really happened. This stuff with drama guy is over and done with. We're friends again but defiantly not as good friends as were before but I'm cool with that. I forget what I called the cute guy in my laugh but I'm not really sure if he's in my life or not at the moment. I talk to him a lot on the phone but he doesn't seem like he really wants to hang out soon. He was there at camp because he was at a different camp but still I want to see him without the camp counselors staring at us every two seconds. We might hang out soon and if we do I hope he kisses me on the lips. I don't care if we go out but I just want to know how it feels with him and know if I really cared about him as much as I thought I did. There was a meteor shower the other night and I wished upon about 20 stars that he would kiss me next time I see him. I just hope he doesn't get back with his girlfriend. I can't wait to see everyone at school. My braces are off and I hope everyone loves my smooth teeth =) Well I'm going to go now because I have nothing more to say. LOve Always - Dida
Reality influences dreams, but don't let dreams influence your reality.
I actually posted regularly. Sorry I haven't been on in forever. I am now in summer vacation which rocks but I will be going off to camp on Sunday. An update on drama guy would be that he is out of my life. He has a new girlfriend which I am fine with because she has liked him for a long time and she is wicked sweet and funny. Also, I am back to liking another former boyfriend. I think I told you about my boyfriend from camp last year... yeah, I like him again. He's so sweet and funny and this one is actually cute. He broke up with him girlfriend of 8 months about a week ago so I don't want to seem to forward or anything but I really like him. I don't think he knows and I am much too shy to tell him strait out. I hope he finds out over time that I'm into him and I hope he's into me too. This blog really helped me get through the whole drama guy this and I love that =). I'm going to go talk to camp guy now. Love as always - Dida
Just because it isn't said or seen, doesn't mean it isn't in existence.
sorry i haven't been writing + i don't have much patience to write right now but drama guy is pretty much out of my life. he was talking about me + how im so into him (which i wasn't at the time) and how i liked him like a second after I dumped him (i didn't start liking him again untill freaking february when i dumped him in november) + i don't need any more people talking trash about me, especially to my friends... im sorry to him if i ever belived we were really friends + i have to admit i do wish we were friends but that's just out of my hands and something i have to live with
i'll try my hardest to keep writing but life's been comeing at me pretty fast so if theres a long time between my posts, dont worry, i havent died =)
In my heart, my head, and my hand, there will always be a place for you.
it will haunt you in your sleep and as you lie beneath your quilt, you'll have a conscience full of guilt. (I heard that first on Rugrats =] )
I know I promised something about Friday on my last post but that just won't happen until this Friday maybe? I don't know... maybe I'll get it done sooner if i have a light night homework-wise. (I've got Friday off of school) drama guy just signed off... he like never says bye which aggravates me sometimes but now it's OK because I have to go take a shower anyway. well, here's the QOTD
Just because I don't know you, doesn't mean I can't love you.
drama guy is in trouble with the law. his friend set a car on fire or something and, well, they got caught. now he could get like in juvie or something & I'm scared. i don't want him to leave because... i don't know... i just don't, i like him a bunch, i don't think i have a crush on him, but i like him & him in super trouble would just turn my life around in a horrible way... so I'm scared and i cried for about 15 minutes straight clinging to the teddy he gave to me. I'll talk about yesterday and stuff on another post.
SCREAM (happy) THE NANCY DREW MOVIE IS COMING OUT ON MY BDAY AND I LOOOVE NANCY DREW =)
Life is like New England weather; it almost never agrees with the forecast.
(Now in a louder voice) I don't think I like drama guy any more, but heres the hitch, the thought of his kisses and remembering those kisses, still makes my heart jump. I mean, no offence to him, but they weren't that special to me when we were kissing... it was all lips for me, no heart. I mean I liked it and it made my heart beat a little louder, but it wasn't really special, I wasn't really into it. Now, when ever I think of us kissing, and imagine the moment and every little essence, (especailly the first kiss) my heart seems to skip a beat -- or two and it makes me feel haappy but also feel sad that I let it go... but over all, I think I'm over him... i hope ♥Dida
Life is one big question. You can say yes and sit quietly, or say no and prove your point.
Yea, now I'm not sure about liking drama guy. This is like a big circle, like him, don't like him, like him, go out with him, like him, don't like him, like him, go out with him... etc. & right now I'm at the part in between the second don't like & like because this time it's a little more confusing. The last time I dumped him, we kept talking and flirting and crap, and then we went to the fair and yea you know the story. Well this time, we had that whole fight type thing and then we acted like we were just friends. My biggest problem with guys is that I want what I can't have. So I'm pretty sure I can't have drama guy so of course I like him. But this isn't like all the other times I've liked him when we weren't going out, now we have *shudder* a past. Now between the fact I can't decide about him and me waiting for my letter to the camp I want to go to, I'm not that chilax. Oh and to top it off, tomorrow, Wednesday, and Thursday, we have gigantic tests in English. And drama guy said he wasn't going to the dance which I guess is okay but not my cup of tea exactly.
Well... on a lighter note, I may get a solo for chorus. I tried out for the song 'When there was me and you" from the high school musical by 'Gabriella'. Well I guess I can sing it pretty well and I didn't have much of competition, no offense, so I hope i get it. I don't really care that I get wicked nervous singing in front of people but I've done it before, no problemo!
'Maybe' is just the polite way of saying no.
Well, you know the last blog I posted (I think it was about drama guy not going to the dance but I could be wrong [I'm talking about the dance one]) well I think drama guy read it (he reads most if not all of my posts) and he IMed me and told me he might go. That made me pretty happy but it's best for me not to get my hopes up in case he doesn't go. I hope he goes because that would make my week =) of course after the test I have this week I'll need something happy... well enough about him (though I'll prabaly get talking about him later on in the post anyway) today I was looking for a shirt to wear to the dance and I realized I didn't have a shirt that was pretty enough or a nice new shirt because the last few shirts I've bought were like 3$ each at arepostal and they were just graphic tanks that are cute but not pretty. so I went into my sister's room because she's at college right now and I began to try on shirts . one of them was a bit tight on me which is funny because my sister is a teeny bit bigger than me (okay a lot bigger up top) so I hope I get that shirt soon. Maybe if I find a pretty shirt (she doesn't have many shirts) by friday, i'll wear it. Oh, speaking about shirts, I wore a white tank top today with a red tank over it but the catch is I wore a bra thhat was a little small for me so it made my boobs look so much bigger than they are =) wow I just completely lost focused and started daydreaming about drama guy and one of his friends and us all playing seven minutes in heavan... haha yea I'm pretty cool. You know what I hate? Everytime I see people kissing on TV or a movie or someone talks about kissing, my mind automattically wanders to drama guy and I just wish it would be us on the tv... ew there I go talking about drama guy (I almost typed his name, not like it would matter) again well I guess I really like him, spending all this time typing about him... this is how it was last time before I went out with him... sometimes I just wish he would have stopped me from breaking up with him that night, I don't know how he would have, but I just wish he would have said something and made me realize that I really didn't want to break up with him. Even though he wasn't the best kisser, sometimes I just long to feel his lips on mine or to feel his hand in my hand... because that's the only perfection I've known.
Oh, the power of friendship, what wonders it works.
i don't know, that was a really random title but i have bad news... for me... drama guy isn't going to the dance next Friday =( there goes a whole history class of daydreaming. I guess I'll just dance with my friends little brother =X =( =P he's ugly and annoying.. grawr drama guy's like the only one who dances with me and now i like him... daaang hiim! well I'll get over it! ♥Dida
I wish our relationship was like a conversation that someone interrupted. I can't help imagining you turning back to me and saying 'now where were we?'
English story! it's 4 pages on miscrosoft word (double space, times new roman) and drama guy would have read most of th end if he didn't go away right before i finished! *grawr* well here it is anyway:
Two Days, Three Hours, Forty-Five Minutes, and Three Seconds Ago
“I had to admit that my heart did skip a beat when I first met him, but now I don’t like him, not in the least.” I lied to my best friend, Patty, when she asked about Dean, my ex-boyfriend.
In the past week, I have lost both my best friend and my boyfriend with just one momentary lapse of judgment. Today is April 15. It has been two days, three hours, forty-five minutes, and two – oh, wait, - three seconds since the biggest tragedy of my life. I have been crushed every second. Now the way I am expressing my emotions on the break-up may make it seem as if Dean broke up with me; but alas, I did the breaking.
He and I had been together for two months, two weeks, and two days, which I find a bit ironic, seeing as my lucky number is two. I guess numbers just cannot be lucky. We talked on the phone constantly, we went on a date every weekend, and we tried to hang out just as friends as frequently as possible. Life was good and I was the happiest girl in the world. I was quite possibly happier than a greedy man inheriting all the money in the world could ever be. Then one day, he asked if I wanted to come over his house for dinner. My life came to a halt and my sanity ceased to exist. Sure, he had been over my house once or twice, but this was different. I was scared. What if I get in too deep and he breaks my heart? What if this is all a joke? What if I am living a lie? What if I don’t like him as much as I think I do? I inquired myself constantly about these things.
Finally, I broke. I no longer believed the boy I had once held so dear. I would tell myself he did not like me. I would tell myself the way he looks in my eyes and the way he smiles when he sees me were just figments of my imagination. I drove myself crazy. The tortured I inflicted on myself became too much. I called him up and when he answered, told him I felt like a complete idiot for what I was about to do. Then, I told him perhaps the biggest lie I will ever tell a boy.
“I think we’re better friends than boyfriend and girlfriend.” I told him in a solemn tone.
“Oh.” He replied. I could tell he was caught off guard by my words.
I probably should have said goodbye at that point, but it was just too cliché. I stayed on the phone as my tears began to fall. I would never let him hear me cry, so I didn’t speak and I held the phone as far away from myself as possible while still being able to hear him if he spoke. After maybe ten minutes, he said goodbye. This is where we pick up today; me sad, broken, and lonely, though I am surrounded by my friends (minus Dean).
“Hello? Dida? Deirdre-Lynn! Anybody home?” I felt Patty’s fist give a playful knock at my head.
“What? I’m listening.” I tried not to blush.
“Then what was the current discussion topic? Patty loves to use large words whenever she possibly could.
“Uh, boys?” I went with the most probable answer.
“For once… no!” She said with a laugh, “You weren’t pondering your former relationship with Dean again, were you?” she said in a much more serious voice.
I looked down at my lunch as the only response she needed.
“Dida, I thought you said you were over that boy.”
“I am Patty, it’s just, I don’t know…” I searched for the words I wanted, “I want to get over him, I really do, but then I remember all the good times we spent together and I just can’t throw that all away.”
“’Men are like a deck of cards’ Dida, ‘you’ll find the occasional king, but most are just jacks. (Laura Swenson).’” She grinned and I smiled back.
She knows I love quotes. She and Dean are the only two who know I have a book of three hundred sixty-five quotes, one for each day of the year. Others may find it strange or wild if they found out about my quotes and me. I don’t even know if Dean was listening to me when I told him about my quotes, but I can trust Patty to keep my secret.
We are dismissed from the cafeteria and head to our last three classes. I hate these classes. Spanish, English, and History are dull, and the teachers, even duller. However, this is not the reason I so strongly dislike these classes. I did not mind these classes two days, four hours, seven minutes, and twenty-four seconds ago. The classes bother me so much because my lovely blob of and ex-boyfriends (also known as Dean) is in all of them. I only remember four things about the remainder of my school day: Dean, writing notes down, hitting my head on the window when the bus when over an abnormally large bump, oh, and something about churros.
I arrive home and go straight to the cookie jar. Now I know this is not the healthiest snack in the world but it will stop my stomach from grumbling until dinner. The time is 3:07 pm. We have been apart for two days, four hours, thirty-nine minutes, and fifty seconds. I should do my homework to get it out of the way. The key word in that sentence of course being “should”. Instead, I log onto the computer. I double click in the instant messaging icon and type in my password: Silverstein. Yes, I know this is a bit screwy, but heck, at least no one will guess it. I giggle at my own thoughts.
I am looking for a particular screen name on my buddy list to sign on. Yes! He is on. I send a message to ‘theDeaninator17’.
“Hi, how’s it going?”
“Not bad, how about you?” He replies almost immediately.
“Nothing really, I just have something on my mind. Can I ask you something?” I ramble on but he never seems to mind.
“Sure.”
“Do you ever miss us?” I asked nervously.
“Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. Why, do you?”
“Yea, I think about it a lot.” Every second of the two days, four hours, forty-two minutes, and however many seconds since we broke up, I added to myself.
“Oh.”
“Can I ask you something else?”
“Anything.”
“Do you believe the quote ‘Friendship often ends in love, but love in friendship – never (Charles Caleb Colton)’?”
“I believe the first part.” He paused. “Dida, we’re going to get through this break-up and no matter what, we will always be friends.”
“I hope so, I just feel like I’ve made an enormous mistake.”
“There’s a reason for all of this, I can feel it. It was going to happen sooner or later anyway.”
“I guess so.” I am still doubtful about what he says, even though I want to believe him.
“Listen to me, one day you’re going to find the perfect guy. He is going to be smart, funny, and attractive. You will never be able to get him out of your head and he will not be able to get you out of his. You are going to be so enthralled with him that the thought of breaking up won’t even cross your mind. I just know it, hun.”
He has not called me ‘hun’ since we broke up. He hasn’t called me ‘hun’ in two days, four – or was it five hours? Oh, whatever – but it has been a while. I have forgotten how well how well I used to think he knew me. I told him so much those two months and some odd days and I do not even know if he was listening.
“Even if you are not in my life and we are not together or even friends,” Dean said, “I think Carl W. Buechner’s words will still be true for me, ‘They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.”
“Thanks, Dean,” I responded, “I think I’m going to be okay with ‘just friends’ now.”
I smile the biggest smile that has crossed my face since the however long it has been since are lives were separated by an act of fate. I speak to the computer screen as if ‘theDeaninator’ can truly hear me, “Maybe you were listening.”
Okay, well I know I haven't written in a few days but I've been working on my english essay and I had a history test today and I've been talking to drama guy online and there just hasn't been time. Well at least there's time now =)I'm listening to the song girlfriend by avril lavigne which is one of my favorite songs! I love her new look as much as her old look but I super-love her amazingly-fatabulous pink streak in her hair. I offically am obsessed (in a good way) with drama guy... so i'm pretty sure I like him =/ the problem with this is the fact that I'm pretty sure he doesn't like me. I should face it that I've already had two chances with him and that's more than some people would put up with. But everytime I think I'm finally over him, he's himself, funny, nice, (kind of) cute, and so tolerant of me (which is a big deal for someone as srtained-random as me). I tell people that drama girl is probably the only one that thinks he's cute and I used to belive that... but it seems like a lie now, I mean he doesn't have a super body or the cutest face or the nicest heair but it's just something about him (it's something only he has... tough I can't explain what it is) that makes me fall for him. I don't want to be all self-pittying and be like oh I'm not pretty enough, I'm not thin enough, I'm not popular enough though sometimes those thoughts pop into my head but he says he's taking a break from girls (as girlfriends) for a while but i don't know, I guess I just want to be the exception this time...
omg (amd in spanish =]) AHH HE JUST SIGNED ON (THATS NOT WAT MY ORIGIANOL OMG WAS FOR)wow my heart just started pounding... i hate this likeing him, but i love it too... ok back to my origianol omg, almost wrote a whole blog about getting my carema back from the camera doctors the other day (because I did and I was super-happy) well i'm off to talk tomy (as my crazy friend would call him if she knew i liked him) secret looover =) lol ttyl ♥Dida
Love is a simple thing... in a complicated way...
Wow that's seriously like the best song ever. (I'm just a Kid by Simple Plan) Nothing good happened today. I think i've become less of a weirdo this year. last year I saved like every convorsation I had with any guy I liked, now I only save about half =) that's quite an improvement for someone like me. I wanted to go shopping today for summer clothes but lst week my sister went shoppping with my mom an spent 500$ getting my dad pretty mad so I guess I'll wait a week. We have a dance this friday... I'm going I haven't missed a single dance yet. I hope drama guy comes... he's the only guy i'd probably dacne with. If I haven't mentioned it before, I'm not the most popular girl ever. I used to be but thats another story for another day. It's not that I'm hiddeous or anything, it's mostly just the fact I act like a crazy person sometimes and the people I hang out with are kind of weird. Well I can't ait untill the dance... maybe I'll go download music? whatever ... oh yea! I finished the rough draft for my english so i'll probably post it in the next week. ♥Dida
Why are quotes so long and thoughful? Why can't a quote be something as simple as calling someone a butthead?
Well I would be watching the Titanic right now (which I've never seen) but no one who's watching one of our 3 tv's wants to watch i with me >=( . So I'm left in my boring virtual world of blogging and talking to the drama guy.. wohoo so much fun, she says sarcastically... wellI had some kind of Irish soup for dinner with some nasty sausage thing in it... the broth (with was part pulverized potato) was the best part. I'm listening to "house on pooh corner" by Kenny loggins which is kind of boring and annoying but I like it because it reminds me of when I was little. I actually almost cried like 10 minutes ago because my dad wouldn't let me watch titanic downstairs. I'm such a baby sometimes. I hate it. I even had a thought of calling drama guy just to comfort me which is really random and dumb I know especially because I've been crying less since we broke up. Ooh the song how to save a life just came on, I love this song. I would have stayed up with you all night had I known how to save a life... Well I have nothing else to write so I guess I'll just post this and type random things to drama guy that he reads but doesn't respond to and just sit here laughing at how much I probably annoy him... yup I'm a keeper =) lol ♥Dida
Thursday, I don't care about you, it's Friday, I'm in love.
Ugh I need that song on my ipod! Well I' listening to Ever So Sweet by the Early Novembers. My crazy friend introduced me to it and it's pretty good, but not my favorite. I really don't have a favorite song or movie or book or anything, there's too many. Today I had a hockey game. I didn't play my best but I did pretty good. I've gotten two goals this season and there's only one day left. We won 3-2 only because the other team got a goal on themselves =). On the way home, I was about to turn my iPod on when I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket. I looked at the ID and it said that drama guy was calling. This was really weird because a) he doesn't call me because that would be wicked random and b)because I was looking for the song Dying in Your Arms which is the song he introduced me to and it's not the genre I usually listen to but I have to admit, it's pretty good. Well both my older sister and my mom were in the car with me but I answered it anyway. I said hi because I knew who it ws (I'd usually say 'hello' in a preppy sounds-older-than-I-really-am voice) and he's like do you know who this is? and I'm like yea and he's like then who is it? and i didnt want to say his name because my sister would think I'm going out with him and get really annoying about it and the last thing I said to my mom about dramam guy was that he was being an idiot about the break-up and that he was calling me names. He said he foregot my blog URL and wanted it. I really didn't know the URL off-hand so I told him I didnt know (ok i do know most of it but I wasn't sure). oo I probably should make a comment now. I didn't give him the URL by sccident in the first place. I made it look like I didn't mean to send it to him by saying "oops wrong IM" right after I sent it, but I did it on purpose. Back to the story. So he asked how long untill I got home and that I should IM him when I get home and I said OK. So thne I hang up and my sister's like, "Was that your boyfriend?" and I said no. then I told her it was my crazt friend. and she said well it sounded like a boy so she's like I want to see the last call you got on your history. (Oh yea, drama guy talks really loud sometiems on the phone) And I told her that maybe my crazy friend sounds like a boy to her. WEll i showed my sister the history and mouthed "don't tell mom" and she read it and was like "o..cool"
so thats my sexay story of the day maybe i'll write more later... ♥Dida
Sometimes, a light in a tunnel doesn't mean you're at the end.
yea i know i altered the lyrics in the title but Piano man by Billy Joel is one of my favorite songs yes I know its old and yes I know it's about a bar but it's just so comforting in some sense... well i said i might write later and so I am. I just ate way more sugar than I should probably eat in a week and i feel a bit disgusting but what ever I'll get over it. I was talking to drama guy earlier on IM and we had a pretty cool conversation. I confronted him about the things drama girl said about him like that he tried to put his hand up my skirt and he said he didn't. I'm no gonna completely believe because I really probably will never know. Guys these days aren't very trustworthy. He promised he wasn't that much of a perv (I know I'm repeating a few things) and that he didn't... Then I saw the drama girl's away message and it said pretty much that she hated someone and they blocked her for no reason so I asked drama guy about it and he said he had blocked her because she wouldn't shut up and kept wanting them to be friends and when she mentioned me and the drama guy still being friends, she asked him why we could be and they can't and he told her it was different with us so I asked him what was different about us and I got the answer I predicted, that he just needed an excuse (dying in your arms just came on itunes, drama guy! lol) and then he said that he was glad we were friends. I told him I was too. It really made me smile to know he would say that to me even if he doesn't have to, that he would go out of his way to say something sweet, it may be just because he's been reading these posts and knows how I feel about him but I don't care, no matter what people say about him and how much shit they say he does, I'll always like him and I'll always remember him. I'm not sure if he realized that with giving me my first kiss, he guaranteed himself (whether he wants it or not) a place in my memory forever, I mean a girl can never forget her first kiss. of course when I tell my kids about that kiss, I'll probably leave out some details and make it a lot more innocent than it was.
I told drama guy that things drama girl was saying were getting into my dreams and he kept insisting on me telling him. I don't think I've ever told him that I love when he does that. I love when people want me, when people want to know about me, when they're interested in what I'm saying, and mostly I love when people take the time to pay attention and be patient when I'm talking or trying to explain something because I'm not a good conversationalist and I'm not a very good speaker. I also hate when people get mad for me for interrupting them. I know this sounds weird but I can't really control when I do that, I don't think before I butt in to a conversation when I shouldn't. I hate guys who try to hard to be something they're not and boys who try to be cool in front of their friends because it's dumb. I like being one of the guys if i can (though it's hard to be, in a skirt) because I just love hanging out with guys and they're great when they're just being themselves because girls are a lot like guys if they take the time to really look at us, we're rude and obnoxious, we burp and fart out loud when we're with our friends, we love to be goofy and retarded even when things are dead serious. I'm not that different from a guy when it all comes down to it, I don't mind bugs except for bees because I've been stung twice and it kills, i love playing in mud which may sound weird for a teenage girl but it's true, maybe the most different thing between me and a guy (besides gender and all the crap that comes with it) it the fact I'm a sensitive piece of shit =) I cry easily though I haven't cried in a while
I've recently noticed that I used singing and music as a coping method, when my parents begin to argue about one of my two siblings (usually my sister) i will walk out of the room on the verge of tears (because I'm afraid of my parents splitting up... ok more like terrified) and I start either singing a very loud, powerful song, or I'll blast a happy song, as happy as I can find, sometimes though, I just blast a slow song and let the tears fall. sometimes I know just need to cry to get It out of my system. I've also noticed I haven't cried as much in the past month while I've been getting over the idea of the drama guy dating other girls besides me.
this blog is probably also helping me cope with things. I can write whatever I want and I can deal with it in writing which sometimes isn't as painful as speaking these things. sometimes when i run over these words out loud, my eyes begin to tear and I just can't do it. I'll also sorry when I'm running a scenario through my head of someone dying or someone being in a hard situation, even though it's not real, I can feel the pain. I had a dream last night about the last day of school and we had jet packs in the English room and it was wicked cool then we were in this museum for science class and me and the guy were friends and everything was good. oya back to this blog helping me cope. I can write what ever I want about anyone and the guy and I are the only ones who read it and know what I rite and I'm pretty sure he;s not gonna tell people what I right.
gotta go, my sisters home & i don't want her to read this ♥Dida
Ok regrading wednesday's post: he says he wasn't trying to...
i accidentally gave him the url to this so he's been reading it
but if u read this drama guy: i nour not a perv!! and I'm thinking of you as more of a brother than anything now but theres always tha little part of me that likes you as more. ♥Dida
TGIF!
I'm listening to "the anthem" by good charlotte. Well it jst turned to Attention by The Acadmy Is... but what ever. Today was a bit interesting. Well yesterday this kind of fat kid in my spanish class who i think likes me (ew) was looking down my shirt when he was talking to me. so after i was done talking I was like, oh and by the way, stop loking down my shirt and the few people around me who heard started laughing at him so he turned around. so today I was wearing a higher cut shirt and he did the same thing (or at least tried to) so i said the same thing. then on the bus i was talling him to turn around. so a second later he hit me with a friggin snowball on the boobs! so i stood up and just walked twords him and he practically ran to the frint of the bus. then he sat back down a few seats and i waent to talk to the girl who was sitting in the seat behind him and he was being all paraniod like "your just sitting here to hurt me" and i just gave him a look like wtf your so retarded so he threw a wrapper to some kind of candy at me. i spazed. i grabbed his arm, digging my nails in, and said "one day i am goinfg to kill you, I am going to get a pistol and shoot you in the freaking nuts!" and he had the look of a scared puppy on his face. he kept telling me that everyone looks down my shirt and he wanted to know why i jhust hated him and i said that i had only caught him doing it (not true) andi hated him because he was him. i really don't hate him but i can't like him becasue i i randomly started being nice to him eeryone would think i like him which im pretty sure I don't... I don't think i like drama guy anymore but theres always that part of me that's gonna like him. Well thats the story of the retard I hate soo I'll maybe write more later ♥Dida
Quote of the day:
Perfection may not be what you're looking for.
If you haven't even an ounce of crazy in you, you're not alive yet.
babe, this is where you might want to stop reading.
well let's start this up when the boy and i started going out again. this time, i really liked him. we danced together at all the dances so close and i felt like i was in heaven... we almost kissed at one of the dances (which would have been both of our first kisses) but teachers and my friends were swarming around us so it didn't happen. well we tried to set up dates but my hockey didn't allow it a lot of the time. we talked on the phone a lot and he wouldn't be completely focused on me when we were but i guess that was OK. when we finally were able to hang out, it was over my house. i was wearing a striped v-neck t shirt with a jean skirt. and a my dad said hello on his way out to work and look the boy up and down, veeeery slowly. the boy was a little freaked but i noticed so i was like "OK well we're going upstairs now" so we went up and turned the television on to tlc or mtv or something else i wasn't really concentrating on. we talked about everything... about my dad looking him up and down, about school, about the most random things. his arm was around my shoulders. son it was around my waist and his hand was on my leg, it got a little higher on my leg (hopefully not on purpose)to right below my skirt-line. it was a little awkward but it was nice to have him there. then he noticed a picture of my brother. he started arguing with me as to whether or not it looked like a kid in our grade. i turned to face him while we were arguing because i like to look at people when i talk to them. i looked at his face. it was perfect. maybe not perfect to anyone else... but right then and right there, he was perfect to me. we argue for a bit as to whether or not my brother looked like the kid and i brought my head closer and closer to his. i had my forehead on his looking directly into his eyes saying "no he doesn't" or "nu uh" as he said "yea, he so does" then i brought my lips down to his as he said one finally "yea he does" and our lips were together. we kissed and he went for a french, so i went along. i really didn't know what to do because it was my first kiss but i tried my best. we were kissing for a while and i opened my eyes to look at him. he was so into it... so concentrating on it... i almost laughed. i closed my eyes for a few seconds more and broke the kiss off "no, he defiantly doesn't!" ... thats how most of our kisses went except for one when i said "OK maybe he looks a little like him" drama guy swung around a gave me a big smooch on the lips which mad me giggled. we laughed and joked, he tickled me and i giggled, we just had a great time together. when we were making out at one point though, i would have been caught by my mother if not for my creaky stairs... thank god! when we said bye i hugged him and he picked me up while i laughed, we were perfect together. at the next dance we danced and kissed, one of my friends caught us and gave me a bunch of crap about it for a while but it was OK. then he asked if i wanted to have dinner over his house. i lied and said id asked my mom. i walked away from the computer... scared... this was moving too fast for me my thoughts ran trough my head at top speed, i was afraid of getting in too deep and him breaking my heart, sometimes it seemed i was just his piece of ass. so i broke up with him. i told him i felt like an ass for doing it but it seemed like we were better friends than anything which i knew was a lie. i cried so hard i had to put the phone down a few feet away so he wouldn't hear. i learned later he was close to tears himself. though not consciously, i knew i was making a mistake and boy was i right. i tried to be friends with him but he didn't want that. he called me all sorts of names like a fat whore and a bitch. it made me dry sometimes thinking he would never be my friend again. at the next dance, he was dancing with one of my friends and i bawled. people came up to me to ask what was wrong but i wouldn't tell them. he had a girlfriend for maybe a week or two and broke up with her the dance after that was better. i cried only a little and it was because of another guy who i had just danced with and thought he liked me was dancing with his ex. drama guy got a girlfriend after this, she was a year younger and obsessed with him. he went out with her for about 3 days and dumped her on the dance because he only went out with her because he felt sorry (you know most of that story) this dance was better, i started to cry, but no tears came out. this was the most recent dance. we danced together at the song "far away" and it felt so perfect but I'm not sure it'll ever be the same. we're friends now, but i like him as more. though i won't admit it to anyone... i really do♥
♥Dida
